The Best Things About Having a Boyfriend

 

1. No more first-time sex. 

Doesn’t mean that boyfriend sex is going to be bomb.com, but there’s going to be room to grow.   Once you guys get into a rhythm the clumsy don’t bite there don’t bend that will stop.

2. No more worrying about are you going to get a text or phone call back. 

Your mind can be at ease when you don’t get a response like he’s probably busy, or I know what he’s doing.

3. You always have someone to carry your purse and tell you if something looks good or not on you 

Honey Can you…….And he will always say yes, maybe not with a smile but carrying purses, shoes, putting on necklaces. You’re covered.

4. You always have someone to split food with for those days when you feel like ordering like a monster

but then realize your eyes were bigger than your stomach. And then on days when you somehow have a raging hunger…

6. No more Tinder dates to run screaming from while wearing shoes that are really hard to run in. Plus, no after-work drink dates means you can actually get through the work week without a hangover from hell. Hello, productivity and a general lack of nausea.

7. You can do any embarrassing thing on the planet and he will still think sun shines out of your butt. Which it honestly could. You don’t know. You can’t see down there.

8. You finally at long last have someone to suffer through family dinners with. 

There is no better feeling than kicking your boyfriend under the table when your grandad straight up starts eating that huge bowl of gravy with his own spoon.

9. You get to double date with your friends aka you get to spy on you friends’ boyfriends to make sure they’re good enough.

And run over the data you have learned with your boyfriend to make sure you didn’t miss any #facts.

10. There will always be someone to like your selfies.

You can now post freely without fear of Zero Likes.

11. You automatically have approximately 40 percent more space in your brain because it’s not begrudgingly focused on meeting The One. 

Obviously this much of your brain isn’t focused on that but jesus christ, sometimes it feels like it’s supposed to be and it’s exhausting.

12. Valentine’s Day is no longer a day of chalky candy-filled dread.

It might be a day of excited joy or a day when you both do the same things you always do, but it holds no power over you any more, so suck it, VDay.

13. All the time you used to spend online dating can now be spent on doing things that make your soul happy.

Instead of killing it with a machete because jesus christ, one of these has to be good, right? (Not really).

14. Couples costumes!

I’d be lying to you if I didn’t say I’ve had a lot of ~*iDeAs*~ about this lately, so FYI, next person I date: I have a whole list of potential couples costumes. We’re set for three years, minimum.