9 Easy, Effective Ways to Be More Confident
“The desire is evolutionary,” says R. Don Steele, author of Body Language Secrets: A Guide during Courtship and Dating. “Females want someone who’s not going to run from a fight, a man who is confident in his ability to provide and protect.”
Simply put, bravado gets the girl. So if you want to be more attractive to women, show your swagger. But not by pounding your chest or picking a fight with the drunk at the end of the bar. Here are some more effective techniques.
1. Walk This Way
“Women look first at your attire and second at how you walk,” says Steele. Keep your wardrobe stylish and impeccable.
Ashley Rothschild, a Los Angeles-based image consultant, suggests you emulate the look of a successful public man in your business arena. She also thinks you’d look hot in a leather jacket. It’s classic.
Your stride? Slow down. “Confident people are not in a hurry,” says Steele. “But there’s a difference between meandering and walking slowly with purpose. Always walk as if you know what you’re doing and where you’re going.”
2. Look Her in the Eyes
Tell her you love her smile while gazing at her feet and you’ll reek of insecurity—or insincerity.
If locking eyes with a stranger feels uncomfortable, focus on her mouth and she’ll never know the difference, says Renee Piane, a motivational speaker and author of Love Mechanics: Power Tools to Build Successful Relationships.
Also, she’ll respond best to realistic compliments. “You’re the physical embodiment of everything I look for in a woman” will immediately set off her bullsh-t alarm. “You’ve got beautiful eyelashes” will make her blush.
3. Take a Compliment
When she says she likes your dimples, simply “smile and say thank you,” says Susan RoAne, author of How to Work a Room. Insecure people deflect compliments by asking, “Really? You think so?” or by listing reasons they don’t deserve the compliment.
Secure people accept praise gracefully and without ado.
4. Call Before Day Three
She gave you her number. Use it within 48 hours or you’ll look either scared or stupid for resorting to high-school mind games.
Nervous? Manage the cold call as you would a business call. “Executives are action-oriented, gathering information and wasting no time in getting a project started. Apply these tactics to your private life,” says Judith Coche, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and professor at the University of Pennsylvania.
5. Perform at the Beeo
If you get her voicemail, be the one guy in 2015 who leaves a message.
To convey confidence, your voice should be deep and moderately loud. Stand up and hum a little before you call—it will bring your voice to the ideal pitch.
“Say who you are, where you met, and why you’re calling,” says Kent Sayre, author of Unstoppable Confidence. “Ask a question that presupposes her interest in you, like, ‘How soon would you like to get together?’ That way it’s not a matter of yes or no.”
Leave your number and ask her to call you back. If she doesn’t, call her again a couple of days later.
6. Don’t Expose Your Negatives
When talking about yourself, keep it positive. Stick to your best attributes and the interests you’re most passionate about.
“Give the press-release version of you,” says Kate Wachs, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of Relationships for Dummies. “Tell her everything good about your life that you wouldn’t mind seeing in 4-inch-high letters on the front page of the newspaper the next morning.”
7. Have a Seat
Always position yourself at a 90-degree angle to her instead of straight on for a dinner date, says Steele. If she sits at the end of the table, sit in the first seat to her left.
Turn toward her from the waist, which will give her the opportunity to turn toward you.
“Women don’t like a full-frontal assault. It’s intimidating,” says Steele. “A confident man realizes he should give the woman the choice to turn to him, and he is sure that she will.”
8. Be Direct
If you’d like to go into her apartment, tell her at the door—and skip the excuse about needing to use her bathroom.
Want to kiss her goodnight? Go for it. “Kissing someone is an emotional thing, and asking [permission] diverts it into a cognitive realm instead,“ says Wachs. “Women hate that.”
9. Celebrate Her Success
A confident man doesn’t feel emasculated if the woman he’s with makes more money than he does; he takes it as a compliment.
“More than ever, successful single women earning more than $60K a year are looking for warm, loving men,” says Coche. “They’re more selective in their partner choice because they can afford to reprioritize.”
Truth is, she wouldn’t be dating you if she didn’t think you’re a catch. It’s when you believe it yourself that she’ll be convinced.